Students of NYU/Citizens of the World:
This is a call to action. It’s time to wake up from your slumber. It’s time to stop hiding behind the convenient lies they’re feeding us, keeping us in submission. It’s time we expose what’s really happening. It’s time to Occupy Stern.
For too long, they’ve hidden behind their fancy buildings, corporate presentation rooms, and suited minions. For too long, we’ve been told that Stern is a “good school,” preparing students for “successful careers.” In actuality, it is a huge corporate ponzi scheme bankrupting millions of people and making a few people rich.
See, Stern takes the money from the students and “invests” it in the school. By invest, they mean build new infrastructure, hire top notch professors, and pay recruiters to come on campus and interview their students. Is this not the DEFINITION of a ponzi scheme? The corporate greed has gone on long enough. Stern has killed millions of starving children in Africa, and was responsible for the 2008 financial crash.
What’s even worse, they take the “best and brightest” students from around America and Korea and muddle their brains around until they become zombie-like Excel spreadsheet monkeys. This is a crime against America, and more severely a crime against Korea and the Hong Kong International School, as well as a few top notch preparatory schools in India. According to our scientific survey, Stern has killed upwards of 50,000 souls since its inception, and has prevented students from pursuing rewarding opportunities in careers like social media marketing, blogging, and music video production. If the brain power in Stern were to be used on important subjects like content farming, art, culture, and microblogging, the world would be a far better place. Instead, our best grads are made into submissive lackeys of a corrupt, soul crushing world order. Enough is enough! No more Goldman Sachs on our campus! Fuck you Bank of America, you can’t have any of our students!
So what can you do? We have to take a stance. We’re asking everyone in Stern to transfer to Gallatin and pursue what they are really “passionate” about. Be it social media, politics, journalism, reblogging, music, acting, photography, psychology, sociology, film, or a major you invent we ask that you boycott Stern. In addition, we will be holding a protest against Stern in the following weeks. We will do a peaceful sit-in where we have drum circles, body art, and group dialogues that will question the status quo and bring the Stern administration to its knees. Our goal is to break up Stern and give all its resources to other programs and people around the world who need them more. Stern is killing our school, and it’s time we take our school back. Occupy Stern!
When the Sternies walk into class in the morning and enjoy their common hour lunch break, they will be reminded of the crimes against humanity that they are about to commit. We are strong, we are one, and we will change the world.
PS - Don’t expect the mainstream media like WASHINGTON SQUARE NEWS to cover this story. Also, everyone should bring goggles because we’re expecting to be mased by NYU Campus security. They’re also probably going to beat the shit out of us, so wear down jackets and wear layers.
Be safe everyone, we’re all in this together. Stay tuned for more news about occupying Stern! Viva la revolution!